Win-Win Contracting: A Step-By-Step Approach
to Conflict Resolution¹

By David Roitman, Ph.D., Senior Consultant

A Win-Win Contract is:
An agreement between two people that helps them work together productively and/or get along better.

A Win-Win Contract is not “rocket science.”
The concepts are easy to grasp, but –

Few people practice Win-Win Contracting.
Although most people say, “it makes a lot of sense” when they learn the approach, it is also counter-cultural. We are socialized to seek control, to win by defeating others, and to hide our feelings². These common behavioral habits can make it difficult to practice Win-Win Contracting without firm resolve.

Assumption: Many conflicts are due to misunderstandings.
Win-Win Contracting clears up misunderstandings. It also establishes ground rules to prevent future misunderstandings.

Assumption: Some conflicts are due to different interests.
Conflicts due to different interests can also be resolved using Win-Win Contracting, practiced with skill and patience.

The hardest step in Win-Win Contracting is often the first step – becoming aware that a behavioral contract is needed.

Q: When should you set up a Win-Win Contract?

A: When you want to improve a working relationship. A Win-Win Contract will enable you to (a) influence someone to change his or her behavior; and/or, (b) increase the likelihood that future behavior will comply with agreed-upon ground rules.

Win-Win Contracting: Step-by-Step

Prepare

1. Become aware of the need. Who do you need to set up the contract with? Why? What are your reasons? What are your feelings towards the other person? What were the conditions and behaviors that led to these feelings? Do you really want someone else to change – or is this a case where you should be changing your own behavior? At this point you may start to form ideas for the details of the contract in terms of specific behaviors, but it’s best to view these as “options” at this point – don’t get too attached to them.

2. Think through your reasons. Why is this important to you? What are the values you hold that underlie the need to set up this contract? How about your attitudes, beliefs, past history – what is it about you that is driving the need for this contract? Now, how about the situation – what is it about your group or organization that may be driving the need for this contract? Finally, ask yourself two questions: “First, am I open to being influenced by the other person? Second, am I stereotyping the other person in any way?” The more open to influence you are, and the less you succumb to stereotypes, the more successful your contracting will be.

3. Contact the other person. Describe your need to discuss the matter in simple terms. State your desired outcome of the contracting meeting, and determine to what extent the other person shares your desired outcome. State your willingness to explore various options for resolving the matter. Do not go too far into the “meat” of the contract, including your feelings, the situation, your ideas for the contact, etc. Save this for the contracting meeting.

4. Agree to a meeting place. The meeting setting should enable you to focus and have a good conversation. You should have enough time, quiet space, and privacy. Contracting needs to be done face-to-face.

Warm Up

5. Begin the meeting. Do whatever you need to do to establish a comfortable tone.

6. Confirm the desired outcome. There are two parts to this – outcomes that related to your wants and needs, and outcomes that relate to what you perceive to be the needs of your group and/or organization. Initially, you may want to emphasize the latter, but after you clear the air, you may want to return and re-confirm your own wants and needs.

7. Clear the air. If you believe the other person holds a different view than yours of the conditions requiring the contract, or if you believe the other person is not aware of your feelings that are driving your need to establish the contract – or if you just feel that “something needs to be said” before you work out a contract – begin by “clearing the air.” Use statements with the following type of format:

1. “During… (Event)”
2. “When you… (Specific behavior)”
3. “I felt… (Specific feeling)”
4. “Because… (Specific reason and/or personal value)”
5. “And as a result… (Consequence)”
6. Listen! Check to see if he or she understands

After checking for understanding, you will no doubt continue the dialogue. Give the other person plenty of opportunity to do what they may need to do to clear the air – they will likely need to express their own views of the situation and their feelings as well. If you use the complete six-step format for clearing the air, you will probably make progress quickly.

8. Summarize your reasons. By this time, the other person will have some idea of your reasons for seeking the behavioral contract, but you should summarize them at this point before continuing.

9. Check your “win-win posture.” Are you being open to influence? Are you stereotyping the other person? By staying open to being influenced and by avoiding stereotyping the other person, you will greatly increase your odds to achieve your desired outcomes. You should ask yourself these two questions throughout the meeting, but now is an especially important time to take this “deep breath” before beginning the specifics of the contract.

Negotiate

10. Begin to discuss the contract details. Continue to keep an open mind. Here is an example of one way you might open the discussion:

1. “In the future, when… (This specific situation occurs)”
2. “I would like you to… (State specific behavior)”
3. “Because… (State reason)”
4. “What do you think?…” Seek genuine “win-win” agreement

11. Explore options. Instead of assuming that your first idea is best, try assuming that by entering into dialogue, you or the other person will come up with a better idea. Foster dialogue with questions, e.g. “are there better ways for us to accomplish our goal?”

12. “Nail it.” Work out the language of the behavioral contract in language you both believe will enable you to monitor performance. Be as specific as you both feel is necessary concerning who, what, where, and when details. Sometimes it is best to leave the how details less structured. End this step by confirming your agreement.

Conclude

13. Protect the contract. You both have just gone to real effort to establish something of value. How are you going to insure that it is protected? Ask yourselves, “What do we need to make this work? Are there any other people we need to involve in this? Do we have the resources needed to support this?” Etc.

14. Set up a monitoring process. How will you know of the contract is working? Who is responsible for keeping track – of what?

15. Summarize. Do this together – don’t summarize everything yourself. Instead, ask the other person to join you, and ask specific questions as you go along to make sure the other person states some of the key points in his or her own words.

16. Congratulate yourselves. If you have reached your meeting goals, you deserve to be congratulated!

Follow Up

Follow up. Fulfill your commitments, and make sure the contract is working by using the monitoring process you established.

Summary

1.  This approach, while original in its presentation and organization, builds on the previous work of numerous thinkers and practitioners. Major sources for the ideas that are the foundation of Win-Win Contracting include the works of Roger Fisher and William Ury (e.g. Getting To Yes, Penguin Books, 1983, second edition 1991 written with Bruce Patton); Thomas Gordon (e.g. Parent Effectiveness Training, most recent edition published by Three Rivers Press, New York, 2000;) and Marshall Rosenberg (e.g. Nonviolent Communication, PuddleDancer Press, Delmar, CA, 1999.) Other works and organizations associated with these pioneers can be found on the world-wide-web.

2.  A vast body of research documenting this statement has been compiled over a thirty-year period by Chris Argyris. E.g., see Overcoming Organizational Defenses, Allyn and Bacon, 1990.)

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